A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear.
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, “Damn, some asshole has my pen!”
So this guy wants to have a luau. He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to a pig farm. He asks the farmer for a twenty-pound pig.
The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, “Nope, not quite twenty pounds.”
He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around awhile, and declares, “This one’s twenty pounds!” He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone, “You can’t weigh a pig like that!”
“Sure I can,” said the farmer, “Watch this.” He called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its tail in his mouth, and swung it around awhile. He put the pig down and said, “This one weighs twenty pounds.”
The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer told the boy to get his mother so that she can weigh the pig.
After five minutes, the boy returned alone. “She can’t come out just yet,” the boy said. “She’s weighing the mailman.”
A wealthy young man’s parents told him he must be married by his 25th birthday, in order to fulfill the terms of their joint will and get the money. This was a bit of a dilemma to him because he was dating three lovely young ladies and couldn’t decide.
As he had only one month, he came up with a plan. He gave each woman $5,000 and told her she had a month to spend it. And, she could spend it any way she wanted.
After the month he met with each.
The first one said, “Well you know I love to shop, so I spent all of it on clothes!” “Fair enough,” he replied, and took note of her decision.
The second young woman said, “I think it’s better to give than receive, so I gave all of my money to the United Way!” “Okay,” said the young squire (noting to himself that she must work for Digital).
Number three said, “You know I have a mind for saving, so I invested it in 9 3/4% zero coupon treasury bonds!” “Interesting,” replied the gentleman, taking note of her keen financial acumen.
So, which one did he choose?
The one with big tits, of course!