Slay.me

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful.. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?”

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.”

Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law-to -be, Sol who is very religious.
“So now tell me, what do you do?”
“I study Torah,” he replies.
“Admirable, but how are going to house and feed my daughter?”
“No problem. I study Torah and it says God will provide.”
“But you will have children. How will you clothe them?'”Not a problem. God will provide.”Shwartz returns home to his wife, who anxiously asks what is Sol like.
“Well” say Schwartz,”he’s a lovely boy. I just met him and already he thinks I’m God.”

A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic”

… Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things I’d never heard before in our home! I mean, all these awful four-letter words! You’ve got to take me home!” “PLEASE MAMA !”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out.” ‘Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT four-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like:”DUST, WASH, IRON, and COOK…”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”susan