Slay.me

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten. He said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move. I could not continue.”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he’d won. “I haven’t a clue,” said the rabbi. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.

“And then what?” asked a woman.

“Who knows?” said the rabbi. “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.

In a Jewish retirement home lived Murray and Hilda. They got to know each other over time and spent long hours getting to know each other.  Eventually, they became a couple, sitting together in the sun
every afternoon, holding hands…

One day Murray says to Hilda, “I know we’re to old to “do it” but another thing I really miss is having the woman in my life just holding my penis in her hands.  Makes me feel wanted and loved.”

Hilda say, “Sure, I would love to do that.”

So, time goes on and every afternoon the two of them sit out by the pool on a chaise lounge with Hilda tenderly holding Murray’s pecker in her hands…. Every day, every afternoon.

One day, going to meet for their afternoon session, Hilda can’t find Murray anywhere. She looks everywhere and asks everyone if they’ve seen him… No one’s seen him.

So, Hilda goes back by the pool area and decides to look in the poolside cabanas in the off chance he fell asleep…. She looks inside a few of them and lo and behold, she finds Murray inside with Sarah, sitting
together, with Murray’s pecker firmly in  Sarah’s hand……

Well, Hilda is outraged.  She starts screaming at the both of them, so much so that Sarah runs away… She then confronts Murray, wanting to
know why he betrayed her this was.  Murray had nothing to say, just took the verbal abuse….

Finally, Hilda summoned up all her nerve and screamed, “What’s Sarah go that I haven’t got?”

Murray composed himself, and finally said:

PARKINSON’S

Once upon a time,  a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new  Chief Samurai.  After a year, only three applied for  the job:  a Japanese, a Chinese, and a  Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!”  commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped  forward, opened a tiny box, and released a  fly.  He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly  divided in two!

“What a feat!” said the  Emperor.  “Number Two  Samurai, show me what you do.”

The Chinese samurai  smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box,  releasing a  fly.  He drew his  samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the  floor neatly quartered.

“That is skill!” nodded the  Emperor.  “How are  you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”

The  Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a  tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and  *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of  skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead,” replied the Jewish Samurai!  “Dead is easy ~ but circumcised ?”