Slay.me

A couple were celebrating 50 years together..  Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one …. ‘Sorry I’m running late.  I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father.  “The important thing is that we’re all together today.”

Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom look great, Dad.   I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father.  “We’re glad you were able to come.”

Just then the daughter arrived.  “Hello and happy anniversary!   I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy  packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything..”

After they had finished dessert, the father said,  “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.  You see, we were very poor.  Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.  Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasped and all said, “You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yep,” said the father.  “And cheap ones too.”

A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…

“Honey, this is the pig I make love to when you have a headache.”

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,

“If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, Not a pig.”

The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch,

You’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm..

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

‘Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you.

That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm..’

They go home and follow the Rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

‘Okay,’ he says to the husband, ‘Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.’

Once again, they follow the Rabbi’s advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,

‘See that, you schmuck? THAT’S how you wave a towel!!