Slay.me

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children..

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The redneck said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand..

This procedure works in  Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia .

A group of 40 year old buddies met and discussed where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen  restaurant because the waitress there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again; and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet.  Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen
because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is
agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an  elevator.

10 years later, at 80  years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have  never been there before.

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as he fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, roller over and started to watch the tv.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “that was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
He said “I found the remote”.