Slay.me

Ed and Dorothy met  while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered  they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He  immediately started asking her out when they got  home.

Within a couple of  weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies,  and museums.  Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love.  Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of  their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine  restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can  tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship  continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life  changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read  about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.

If that’s going to  be a problem, for us, you’d better say so now!”

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t  be a problem. I love you as you  are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to  know that about the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

“Oh wow!   I see,” Ed replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in  thought then he added, “You  know, it’s probably just because you’re not keeping your wrists straight  when you tee off.”

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.   Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I guess all those f–king lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responds, “Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her foot to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg and foot.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good Samaritan and yelled,”How dare you touch my body!  I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”