Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes’ Category

07
Sep

Solving the Snoring Problem

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe guys are all at a deer camp.  No one wants to room with Bob, because he snores so badly.  They decide it isn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.  The first guy sleeps with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.  They say, “Man, what happened to you?”  He says, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”

The next night it is a different guy’s turn.  In the morning, same thing – hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.  They say, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”  He says, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”

The third night is Fred’s turn.  Fred is a tanned, older cowboy; a man’s man.  The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  “Good morning!” he says.  They can’t believe it.  They say, “Man, what happened?”  Fred says, “Well, we got ready for bed.  I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.  Bob sat up and watched me all night.”

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06
Sep

Honey Lifesavers

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red…………………Cherry
Yellow…………….Lemon
Green………………Lime
Orange …………..Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!

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05
Sep

Time to Live

Slay.me Joke of the DayA 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she  Asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to Live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had Someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she
Had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing The street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had Another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?”

God replied: “I didn’t bloody recognize you.”

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