Slay.me

It so happens that the Pope and Bill Clinton died at the same time. There was a mix-up, and the Pope was sent to Hell and Clinton went to Heaven.

Of course, Satan immediately realized the error. He was quite displeased, so he set about to rectify the situation at once.

Nevertheless, relations between Heaven and Hell being what they are, it took a full day for the trade to be arranged.

When the Pope heard he was going to Heaven after all, he was much relieved, but being the caring soul he was, he was worried that Bill would be upset at the change. So when they met halfway, the Pope said,

“Mr. Clinton, I know you must be very disappointed, but you know I did live eighty years of a clean life bound to God, so that I could claim my Reward and kneel at the feet of the Virgin.”

And Bill, grinning, replies, “Well, Your Holiness, I’m afraid you’re a little too late for that!”

Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up with equal velocity.

“Hey, you know anything about parachutes?” he shouted to her, as they passed by.

The reply: “No… you know anything about Coleman stoves?”

So this guy wants to have a luau. He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to a pig farm. He asks the farmer for a twenty-pound pig.

The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, “Nope, not quite twenty pounds.”

He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around awhile, and declares, “This one’s twenty pounds!” He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone, “You can’t weigh a pig like that!”

“Sure I can,” said the farmer, “Watch this.” He called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its tail in his mouth, and swung it around awhile. He put the pig down and said, “This one weighs twenty pounds.”

The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer told the boy to get his mother so that she can weigh the pig.

After five minutes, the boy returned alone. “She can’t come out just yet,” the boy said. “She’s weighing the mailman.”