Slay.me

In Honor of the Movie Release of the 6th Harry Potter Movie, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, here are Slay.me’s Top 10 Harry Potter Jokes:

10.  What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator?  Weasley!

9. Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?  Yeah, she went completely Knuts!

8.  Is being a dementor a fun job?  No, it’s soul destroying!

7.  How many Voldemorts does it take to light up a wand? None. Why do you think he’s called the *Dark* Lord?

6.  Whats snapes boggart? A cauldron full of Shampoo!

5.  What does a death eater eat for breakfast? Cruci-O’s!

4. Yo momma is SO muggle, she thought the floo network was on channel 54!

3. Where do you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleevy!

2.  Knock knock?  Who’s there?  You Know.  You-Know-Who?  That’s right! Avada Kedavra!

1. Wormtail: Master, can you really rise again?  Voldemort: Certainly, but you may have to give me a hand!

Bonus:

123 Ways to Annoy Voldemort – Click Here

Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?

A: The one who can carry 2 large coffees and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony?

A: The one who can eat the last two donuts.

Time: late 1940’s

Place: New York

There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen visiting the Big Apple when they decided it was getting late and they needed to find a room for the night. As they passed one hotel, one man says to the other, “Why don’t we try this one?” The other says, “Are you crazy? It says on the sign that this is a restricted hotel. You know what that means? It means they don’t let Jews in!” To which the first man replies, “Restricted, reschmicted. Let’s go in and have a little fun. Just let me do all the talking.”

So the two men enter and approach the desk clerk.

Man: (in thick Yiddish accent) We want a room!

Clerk: (Flustered. With a “Connecticut clench”) I’m sorry, but this is a RESTRICTED hotel. We do NOT allow Jewish people to stay here.

Man: What makes you think I’m Jewish? I’m just as Christian as you are! Come on, ask me a Christion question!

The clerk decides to amuse him.

Clerk: OK. OK. Where was Jesus born?

Man: Such a question! Everybody knows that Jesus was born in a stable. Come on, ask me another Christian question!

Clerk: (Impatient) Look. I know you are Jewish and you are not staying here!

Man: Come on, ask me a question. Ask me, “What for was Jesus born in a stable!”

Clerk: (visibly angry) All right! Why was Jesus born in a stable!?

Man: Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t give his mother a room either!