Slay.me

Barack Obama sits down with the Queen of England and asks her advice:

“Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

“Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.

“Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, your Majesty?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered…”That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good.” said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question.

“Joe, answer this for me.” “Your mother and your father have a child.

It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister.

Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Biden.

“Let me get back to you on that one.”

He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, “Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question.”

“Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister.

Who is it?”

Paul Ryan answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled, and said, “Good answer Paul!”

Biden then, went back to speak with ‘president’ Obama.

“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.”

“It’s Paul Ryan!”

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

“NO, You idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to Nevada. I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I’m doing for YOU for FREE!”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year.”

An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’ ”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”