Slay.me

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation..  Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different.   The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .  I did what you said and Earlene got pregnant.  Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Earlene got pregnant again.  Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna’ do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earlene with me.”

Susie Lee done fell in love;

She planned to marry Joe.

She was so happy ’bout it all

She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,

You’ll have to find another.

I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,

But Joe is yo’ half brother”

So Susie put aside her Joe

And planned to marry Will.

But after telling Pappy this,

He said, “There’s trouble still…

You can’t marry Will, my gal,

And please don’t tell your Mother,

But Will and Joe and several mo’

I know is yo’ half brother”

But Mama knew and said, “My child,

Just do what makes you happy.

Marry Will or marry Joe

You ain’t no kin to Pappy.

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children..

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The redneck said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand..

This procedure works in  Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia .