Slay.me

A small zoo in Capon Bridge, West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.  Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.  To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Elmer Lee Spitler, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Elmer Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, Elmer Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth”, Elmer Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”  Once again it was agreed.

“And last,” Elmer Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

The Redneck went to the hospital As his wife was having a baby.  Upon arriving, the nurse says  “Congratulations,  your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys.”

The Redneck says, “I’m not surprised,  I have a penis on me like a chimney.”

The nurse replies,  “You might want to consider getting it cleaned.  The babies are  all black.”

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said,  “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston  ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going  to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his  composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of  myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman  became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I  shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name..”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.