Slay.me

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is you’re  being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.  I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

‘The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’ Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself.

I put him there to dry….  How soon can I go home?’

Here are some of the best Occupy Wall St. Jokes and Cartoons we could find, feel free to post some more as you find them!

Occupy Wall Street Jokes:

Q: Out of money, an OWS protester uses an ATM and it asks if he will accept a $1 fee. He knows the money will just go to a greedy, corrupt bank. Does he hit “Yes”?
A: Sure, it’s his parents’ card anyway.

Q: What is the least heard question at Occupy Wall Street?
A: Can I borrow your soap”

Over the weekend in New York, two Occupy Wall Street protesters got married at the protest. They are registered at Bed, Bath, and Seriously, You Need to Take a Bath.
A weary OWS protester returns to college.
Roommate: “How are you?”
Protester: “Not so great. I have body lice, the flu, and a screaming case of gonorrhea.”
Roommate: “You caught the flu?”

Q: What’s the difference between Barack Obama’s nebulous whatever-you-want-it-to-mean 2008 campaign and OWS?
A: Three years.

Q: What’s the difference between intentionally provoking a caged bear in a zoo and intentionally provoking a tired cop in Manhattan?
A: Bearbaiting is illegal.

Q: What’s the difference between Rick Perry and the aimlessness of OWS?
A: Rick Perry is debatable.

Q: What’s the difference between the NBA and OWS?
A: People are waiting for one to come back and for the other to go away.

Q: What’s the difference between soccer and OWS?
A: Goals.

Q: What do the OWSers stand for?
A: They’re pro-lice.

Q: What’s the difference between a puppy and a occupy wall street protester?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

A woman runs up to a cop and says, “Help me, I was just raped by an OWS protester.”
Cop says, “How do you know he was an OWS protester.”
Woman says, “I had to help.

Top 10 Occupy Wall Street Cartoons:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WalMart.

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1.   June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2.   July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3.   July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4.    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5.    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6.    August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7.    August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8.    August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9.   September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10.  September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.  October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12.  October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of 20 funnels.

13.  October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14.  October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15.  October 23:  Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.