Slay.me

Dear  Abby,

My husband has a  long record of money problems. He says pay the minimum and let our kids  worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest. He  has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors, most of them no  longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch to whom he has  been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even  more.  Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with the  Baptists and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ  and the next he’s on his knees 5 times a day with Muslims. He’s also demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.

It’s horribly  creepy! Can you help?

Signed,
Lost

Dear  Lost,

Suck it up and  stop whining, Michelle. You live in the White House for free (with your mother), travel the world and have others pay for everything. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot  for 2 more years.

Signed,
Abby

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”