Slay.me

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?

Far from it, snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!

‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee… and this hole is a monster, Mother – 540 yards, par 5 -with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green… and I hit the drive of my life.  I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it was flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted… and it hit a bird in mid-flight.

‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate!  But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’

To fathom what had happened, a squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and ran off down the fairway!

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother

‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, a hawk swooped out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched
in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.

‘No, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,fixed on the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

‘You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?’

The Swede’s wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?”, Ole demanded.

“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any,” she replied.

The Swede immediately reached into his pocket and said, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bent over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blew up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?”

She replied, “I can’t afford any on the little money you give me.”

Patrick reached into his pocket and said, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $20. Go out and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bent over. The wind also took her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?”

She too explained, ‘You dinna give me enough money to be able at affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and said, “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit..”

Playing from the Women’s Tee at Twin Pines Country Club!