Slay.me

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly  calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: “Mom! I have someone for you to meet.

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend  in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does.  There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: “Why the black panties?”

She replies: “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but, down there I am still in mourning.” He knows he’s not getting lucky that night.

The following night, the same scenario…

He’s standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit…  except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks:  “What’s with this…a black condom?”

He replies: “I want to make a Shiva call.”

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: “What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: “Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

“Very nice Patrick,” she said. “Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?”

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year…. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves… And begin to sing: “What A Friend We Have In Jesus.” Then we all go to the Bahamas .”

A  U.S. Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week’s shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note

from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

‘Dear Captain: Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball.  I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance.

They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation.  They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies.

One last point:  No Jews please.’

8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda’s mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four smiling black officers.  Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered,

‘There must be some mistake.’

‘No, Madam,’ said the first officer.

‘Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.’