Slay.me

A Pennsylvania senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph down I-81, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down the highway, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Pennsylvania State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard–I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Pennsylvania State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

Recently a routine Police patrol was parked outside a bar in New Orleans.  After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine dry night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the Police said, ‘I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken.’

‘I doubt it,’ said Joe, truly proud of himself. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy!

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate.  So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn’t believe!

They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men.  And of course, traffic started backing up.  Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and started walking towards me.  I could tell he was not a happy camper!

“What’s going on here?”

“My car has a flat tire,” I said calmly.

“Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?”

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know.  So I told him, “Hello-o-o-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers!”