Slay.me

An old man was sitting at a bar on a nice beautiful day looking kinda upset when two younger people noticed him there and went over to him

“Whats wrong“ one of the young guys asked

the old man simply replied “Some things you cant explain“ and continued drinking

the 2nd young guy asks “well why are sitting in here instead of enjoying this beautiful day“

the old man says “well i was out milking my cow today and just when i got the bucket full she takes her back left leg and knocks it over, so i tie her leg to a post and tried again“

the young guys then say “well that doesnt sound to bad, you should go enjoy the rest of today“

the old man continues “well i got the bucket full again and i’ll be darned she knocks it over with her back right leg, so i tie that one to a post and try again“

the two young guys tell the old man “well that must suck“

“let me finish“ the old man says “so i get the bucket full again and the stupid cow knocks it over with her tail, i couldnt find anything to tie down her tail so i took my belt off and lifted her tail to tie it, then my pants fell down as soon as my wife walked outside and well some things you just ca’nt explain.

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Submitted by Matt – Thanks Matt!

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?

‘Tarzan not know sex’ he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ‘Oh …Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.’

Horrified Jane said, ‘ Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.’

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

‘Here’ she said, pointing to her privates, ‘you must put it in here.’

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ‘What did you do that for?’
Tarzan replied, ‘Check for squirrel.’

A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…

“Honey, this is the pig I make love to when you have a headache.”

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,

“If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, Not a pig.”

The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch,

You’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”