Slay.me

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.  When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill’s wife wasn’t wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.  Bill’s wife followed him and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”

John admitted that, well, yes, he did.

She said, “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.”

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn’t, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm.  After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left.  Bill came home about 6:00 pm.  He asked his wife, “Did John come by this afternoon?”

Reluctantly, she replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”

Next Bill asked, “Did John give you $100?”

She thinks, “Oh hell, he knows!” Finally she says, “Well, yes… he did give me $100.”

“Good,” Bill says.  “John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me.  He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”

1st woman :     Hi! My name is Wanda

2nd woman :    Hi! I’m Kelly. How’d you die?

1st woman :     I froze to Death.

2nd woman :    How horrible!

1st woman :     It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I  began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd woman :    I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act.  Instead, I found him all by himself  in the den watching TV.

1st woman:      So, what happened?

2nd woman :    I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran into the attic and searched and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:      Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?’

Bob thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.