Slay.me

A real man is a woman’s best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure  and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that…….

Never mind.

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“135,” I replied..

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked: “Your height?”
“5 feet, 6 inches,” I answered.

The nurse checked and saw that
I only measure 5 feet, 3 inches.

She then took my blood pressure
and told me that it’s very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed.
“When I came in here
I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

She put me on Prozac..

What a bitch!

Here are the 5 most important rules for men to follow for a happy life:

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Sincerely,

Tiger Woods