Slay.me

There are three hunters in the woods. At the same time they all feel them self get shot in the ass with a dart.

When they woke up they are all bare ass with there butts in the air. There is a tribe around them bowing down and worshipping them saying oooooooohhhhhhhhh ooooohhhhhhhh ooooooooohhhhhhh oooooohhhhhh.

The tribe goes silent and they all split. A chief walks between the crowd.

The chief goes up to the first guy and says “You have two choice death, or Bongo!”.

The man thinks in his head “Well i don’t want to die so i guess Bongo!”. So he tells the chief he wants Bongo!.

So the chief turns around to the crowd and yells “Bongo!!!”

Immediately the tribe runs in and starts fucking the guy in the ass, all of them. This guy is out.

So the chief goes up to the second guy and says “You have two choice death or Bongo!”.

So the guy thinks for a second and says “Well at least ill live to tell about it and you know maybe the tribe is tired so, Bongo!”.

So the chief turns around to the tribe and yells “Bongo!!!”

The tribe splits and a whole new tribe comes in and starts doing him in the ass and after they are done the first tribe comes and does the same. This guy is out, his ass cheeks are sagging he is just out of it.

Before the chief gets to the third guy, the man already knows that he wants to be killed.  So the chief comes up to him and says “You have two choice death or Bongo!”.

The man says “There is no way in hell your there pulling three tribes on me. I choose death, kill me now just get it over with”.

So the chief turns around to the crowd and yells “DEATH….  by BONGO!!!”

The husband leans over and asks his wife, ‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?  We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’

Yes, she says, ‘I remember it well.’

OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.  I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.  Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.  The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.  As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.  This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.   The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.  So, as the couple passes, he says to them, ‘ Excuse me, but that was something else.  You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?’

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, ‘Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.. He sits down next to her, and asks her: “Can we have sex?”

“No,” she replies, “I’m married to God.” She stands up, and gets off at the next stop..

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:

“I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!”

“Yeah?”, says the hippie.

“Yeah!”, say the bus driver. “She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.”

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

“I am God,” he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.  “Have sex with me.”

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

‘God’ agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

“Ha-ha,” he cries. “I’m the hippie!”

“Ha-ha,” cries the nun. “I’m the bus driver!