Posts Tagged ‘Adult Joke’
26
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayThere are three hunters in the woods. At the same time they all feel them self get shot in the ass with a dart.

 

When they woke up they are all bare ass with there butts in the air. There is a tribe around them bowing down and worshipping them saying oooooooohhhhhhhhh ooooohhhhhhhh ooooooooohhhhhhh oooooohhhhhh.

 

The tribe goes silent and they all split. A chief walks between the crowd.

 

The chief goes up to the first guy and says “You have two choice death, or Bongo!”.

 

The man thinks in his head “Well i don’t want to die so i guess Bongo!”. So he tells the chief he wants Bongo!.

 

So the chief turns around to the crowd and yells “Bongo!!!”

 

Immediately the tribe runs in and starts fucking the guy in the ass, all of them. This guy is out.

 

So the chief goes up to the second guy and says “You have two choice death or Bongo!”.

 

So the guy thinks for a second and says “Well at least ill live to tell about it and you know maybe the tribe is tired so, Bongo!”.

 

So the chief turns around to the tribe and yells “Bongo!!!”

 

The tribe splits and a whole new tribe comes in and starts doing him in the ass and after they are done the first tribe comes and does the same. This guy is out, his ass cheeks are sagging he is just out of it.

 

Before the chief gets to the third guy, the man already knows that he wants to be killed.  So the chief comes up to him and says “You have two choice death or Bongo!”.

 

The man says “There is no way in hell your there pulling three tribes on me. I choose death, kill me now just get it over with”.

 

So the chief turns around to the crowd and yells “DEATH….  by BONGO!!!”

20
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe husband leans over and asks his wife, ‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?  We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’

 

Yes, she says, ‘I remember it well.’

 

OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’

 

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’

 

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.  I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

 

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.  Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.  The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.  As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.  This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

 

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

 

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.   The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.  So, as the couple passes, he says to them, ‘ Excuse me, but that was something else.  You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?’

 

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, ‘Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.

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13
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayA young Catholic man goes to confession and says, “Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.”

 

The priest tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.”

 

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. “Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.”

 

This time the priest questions, “Who is Nookie Green?”

 

“A new woman in the neighborhood,” the sinner replies.

 

“Very well,” sighs the priest. “Go and say ten Hail “Mary’s.”

 

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest!

 

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

 

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, “Is that Nookie Green?”

 

The bug-eyed altar boy can’t believe his ears but replies, “No, I think it’s just the reflection off her shoes!”

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