Slay.me

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

DIARY: DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship — all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited.

DIARY: DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today — seems like a very nice man.

DIARY: DAY 3

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DIARY:DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship’s casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the nigh t but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DIARY: DAY 5

Pool again today, got sunburned, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DIARY: DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.

The teacher gave her fifth  grade class an assignment:  Get their Parents to tell them a story with a  moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,  began to tell their  stories… There were all the regular types of  stuff: spilled milk and pennies  saved. But then the teacher  realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was  left.

‘Ernie, do you have a story to  share?’

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt  Patty . She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to  bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of  whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the  bottle wouldn’t break, and  then her parachute landed her right in the  middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until  she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade  broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare  hands.’

‘Good Heavens,’ said the  horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to  this horrible story?

‘Stay the hell away from Aunt  Patty  when she’s  been  drinking.