A Redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving, he was asked to sit down as the nurse told him,
“Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets five big baby boys.”
The Redneck said, “I’m not surprised, I have a penis the size of a fucking chimney.”
The nurse replied, “You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black.”
Cletus won the grand prize at the carnival in Collierville, Tennessee.
It was a brand new bass fishing boat.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,
“What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”
He says, “I won it and I’m a-gonna keep it.”
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.
She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand.
He yells out to him, “What are you doin’?”
His brother replies, “I’m fishin’. What does it look like I’m a doin’?”
His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Tennessee a bad name, makin’ everybody think we’re stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and whip your ass!”
Murphy’s old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!
‘Ain’t dat grand, !!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t finished yet, !’
The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we aint got done yet, !’
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !’
Murphy said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?’
The doctor said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.’
Murphy said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,
‘Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’
She said, ‘Yeah, I remember dat night…’
Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, ……it’s a f”” kin’ good ting we didn’t use WD-40.