A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,
“I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you” …
Her husband asks, “Is that you, or the wine talking?” ….
She replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired MARINE and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up from his newspaper and said “Yes dear, I do.
You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said, Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”
She giggled and said “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee.
What do you have to say tonight?”
He looked her up and down and said, ” Mission Accomplished.”
A Pennsylvania senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph down I-81, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down the highway, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Pennsylvania State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard–I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Pennsylvania State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.